


Why Don't you love me?

by Spirk



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt!Jim, Interspecies Romance, Jealousy, Romance, Slow Build, T'hy'la, Unrequited Love, more tags to add
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-21 09:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2463527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spirk/pseuds/Spirk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post STID</p><p>A couple months after the five year mission started, Jim is madly in love with Spock. Spock and Uhura are still dating and are the "it" couple according to the Enterprise crew. Bones may be a little in love with Jim. Follow the story of James T.Kirk with a broken heart, as he struggles to find love and happiness with his first officer.</p><p>Spock/Nyota Uhura with a James T. Kirk/ Spock ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Is this is what love feels like, I'm done with it.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first star trek fanfic! I will be updating it at least once a week, sometimes more thant twice. All the mistakes are mine as I have no beta and english is my second language. Please tell me of any mistakes!

Being in love with someone who supposedly has no feelings is really hard.  
  
Supposedly because after being a victim of witnessing Commander Spock and Lieutenant Uhura making eyes at each other while slow dancing at the rhythm of Christina Perri, a thousand years. Nothing could have prepared the young captain for that.  
James T Kirk has fought against angry romulans, klingons, engineered super humans and has never felt so defeated in his life.  
  
Here he is, one of the saviors of Earth, hugging himself in the bed, trembling, trying to suppress what he's feeling, wishing he could just disappear forever.  
  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
4 Hours Earlier  
  
“Captain! Do you have a minute? I want to ask you something” yelled a happy looking Sulu walking through the corridors.  
  
Jim looked back. He wasn’t in a really good mood today; After all he was tired of watching almost the entire crew bouncing happily in every surface of the ship.  
Today was the Halloween ball organized by Ensign Keval and by the looks of it the whole ship was very excited.  
The whole ship except Jim. He hadn’t been feeling really well after losing a couple of security officers at the last mission. He just wanted to lock himself in his room and be a depressed potato for fuck’s sake! Not play haunted house at the heavily decorated mess hall.  
  
Even Commander Spock wasn't looking as uptight as ever, he was lookin slightly relaxed, which was unusual for the vulcan.  
  
“Someone’s looking happy Sulu! Now shoot” Kirk said trying not to show his irritation  
  
“I talked to the bridge crew and we’ve all agreed to sit together at the ball, I just came to see if you’d like to sit with us too”  
  
He couldn’t exactly say no, the captain showing at the ball dressed for Halloween will boost crew morale a lot.  
  
“Sure Lieutenant, See you in two hours”  
  
“Aye Captain!”  
  
After taking a long relaxing shower and putting on a simple Dracula costume including the fake fangs that he replicated, he looked himself in the mirror.  
He decided he looked good enough, with the vest clinging a little tight people would see his defined muscles. Looking hot with the cape was a plus. Seeing his alarm clock in the reflection of the mirror he noticed it had been almost an hour since the ball had started, he had to hurry.  
  
Walking to the mess hall was amusing, seeing all his crew dressed either too scary, too sexy or to hilarious cheered him. Even though he was the captain he could at least look a little at the sexy caveman and sailors, putting aside that he really wanted to see his first officer.  
  
Spock would appear in his uniform no doubt. It would be too illogical to dressed up for a human custom that would offend certain alien species due to the fact that some “traditional human monsters can resemble them and cause a diplomatic incident.”  
  
Of course Kirk didn’t count on Uhura pressuring her gorgeous boyfriend to play dress up with her. Really, he should have predicted it. He would have avoided part or the pain.  
  
Arriving at the mess hall the first thing he was Spock. Spock all dressed beautiful in a traditional prince costume. Spock looking more handsome and elegant than ever. Spock. Just Spock.  
  
And Uhura, looking sexy as hell in a very tight and totally not traditional Cinderella dress.  
  
Really, he should have seen it coming.

It wasn’t that he hated Uhura. Hell if she wanted she could be queen of the federation or something. Uhura was an exceptional woman with fine taste and goals that not every woman ventured to have. Jim just hated the horrible feeling in his gut every time he saw Spock with Uhura. The feeling of something breaking a little inside of him each time.

Uhura and Spock dancing at Christina Perri, a thousand years.

_“Heart beats fast_

_Colors and promises_

_How to be brave_

_How can I love when I'm afraid_

_To fall”_

Jim can feel his heart thumping really loud in his ears. His eyes trying not to water at the sight of his first and communications officer together.

Time seems to slow as he tries with all his effort not to bolt out of the room.

_“I have died every day_

_waiting for you_

_Darlin' don't be afraid_

_have loved you for a_

_Thousand years”_

Jim closes his eyes.

Trying to suppress how fitting some lyrics were for him. He felt as if he had died every day waiting for Spock and by the looks of it he will keep doing just that.

Calm down. Calm down. How did she even manage to make Spock dance!? He must love her a lot. Calm down.

James T.Kirk will not cry. Not even at the sight of his unrequited love spinning a beautiful woman that deserved him.

_“Time stands still_

_Beauty in all she is”_

Jim tried to hide his sadness and put on his charming smile. **And what a beauty she was.**


	2. Baby Blue Eyes

Leonard Horatio McCoy was raised to be a gentleman by his mama. So when he saw his best friend looking like a lost puppy he had to do something.

 “Dammit Jim stop standing there! Someone dancing could knock you out!” He called out to Jim.

Jim turned his baby blue at him and his heart ached. Leonard could get lost in those eyes forever.

“Coming Bones.”

Leonard didn’t know when he started seeing Jim in a different light other than friendship. A thing that started as a little crush turned into more affection for the blonde man. Maybe it was the flirting Jim and he did, or the Kirk charm, either way he was doomed. He knew Jim would never return his love, not when Jim himself adored he hobgoblin. He was a doctor dammit! Not a high school girl in a love triangle!

He was not one to go into self- pity mode so he just focused on his work and tried to make Jim happy.

 “Ya make a handsome lad Captain!” Scotty boomed coming to sit next to Leonard

The Chief Engineer was already drunk out of his mind in his Enterpise costume.

Leonard made a note to make another psych evaluation to the engineer, Scotty loved the ship too much that it was starting to turn a little weird.

“Thank you Scotty, you don’t look too bad yourself.” Jim replied casually sitting in the other side of Mccoy.

"Scotty is right, you look very handsome darling." Leonard said softly to Jim

That was the thing about Jim Kirk. Leonard could never get his affection out of his voice whenever he and Jim talked alone. Even in front of other people and Leonard was yelling or being his usual grump self you could see the softness in his eyes when he looked at his captain and best friend.

That seemed to brighten Jim a little. "Thank you Bones, you even look hot yourself! Rockin’ the old country doctor costume I see"

And that's how it started, their discreet flirting that only got less discreet the more they drank.

It felt like they were the only ones in the room. Jim and Leonard. Leonard and Jim. At least that was for him. He didn't know how Jim saw or felt the room.

"Bones! Want to go and play doctor at my quarters?"

"I don't want those fangs near my neck dammit!"

"If you want me to bite your neck just say so Bones, no fangs I promise"

"Don't force me to hypo you to sleep darling."

"Ooh Kinky, want to get your way with me asleep Bones?"

"You should get the cape off, you'll end up tripping. Here I'll do it for you darling."

"Want me to strip for you. You really are a kinky motherfucker Bones."

Leonard loved touching Jim. Not in the sexual way, although he would love if he had the chance to do it. He just loved to caress that soft golden skin and the way it sometimes shivered beneath his touch. If he wasn't Jim's doctor he would surely make any excuse to touch the captain.

"Bones. Bones. Bonesy" Jim slurred getting close enough that Leonard could feel his warm breath in his lips. If only he could close that tiny distance and taste his best friends’ lips.

"What is it darlin'?" Bones mumbled still caught in the moment.

"I love you Bones. You're the best friend ever" Jim slurred looking up at Leonard

Leonard’s heart broke a little more. Jim loved him like a best friend. He knew that. He was aware that he had no chance. So why was his chest hurting so much at the thought of those baby blue eyes that weren't for him?

"I love you too darling. No more alcohol for you." Leonard said softly

"Nngght"

"What was that darlin'?"

"Noo"

Leonard chuckled. "C'mon let’s get you to your quarters Captain"

"Is the captain adequate Doctor Mccoy?"

Leonard turned to see Spock with his arms around his girlfriend waist with his usual poker face.

"He's fine, aren't you Jimbo?" Leonard asked turning to Jim

His best friend was looking a little green and had the lost puppy look again.

"Ye-yeah" Jim mumbled.

"Let's get you to your quarters Jim"

Both Leonard and Jim stood up with a quick nod in Spock and Uhura's direction and left the room.

"What's wrong with me Bones?" Is it because I'm not a woman? Or a hot beauty like Uhura? Leonard heard his best friend mumble.

Bones eyes softened even more. "Nothing's wrong with you darling, you are perfect just the way you are. Anyone would be lucky to be with someone like you and if the hobgoblin can't see it, that's his loss. "

"I was feeling better already Bones, but they had to appear again. I was trying to pretend they didn't exist you know, to pretend the pain didn't exist."

"You can't just try to ignore your feelings darling, no matter how much it hurts, you can't just shut them off."

"I know Bones, it's just so hard, to be in love with a person that loves another."

Leonard did know how hard it was. He felt his chest hurt every day he saw how Jim looked at Spock.

"I know darling, but you'll get over it. You are the strongest person I know Jim" Leonard said as they arrived at the captain's quarters.

"Thank you for walking me Bones, I guess the pain sobered me up " Jim muttered with a grim face

"No problem darling, want me to stay with you?"

"No, I bet you want to be with someone else right now but thank you Bones. Good night." With that Jim turned and entered his quarters without waiting for an answer.

If only you knew who I want to be with Leonard thought sadly to himself.


End file.
